Living as an Alternative

Once the crystal visions had left
I stood with sopping brow;
contemplating my options -
whether or not I was ready to ascend.
I found I was still attached to life
but not to all of it.
I was left without dreams
of attainment.

So I look for inspiration
in the physical world,
beyond the faded remnants
of puerile hopes.
Being has become dense again,
although exquisite energies
still tease my dull flesh
ripple through my center
and call out in the night.

Caught in a long stretch
where I can’t even entertain myself;
the shimmer tarnished by
a deeply settled numbness that
I’m not even depressed about.
This dull ache around my heart -
a leak I can plug only
with meaningless projections.

When I went to Sedona,
to see the ruins and red hills,
I really went to relight the sputtering fire.
Over and over I was shocked
by everything I touched;
the inner spark so desperate to ignite.
Being in the mountains made me feel as if
my feet would leave the ground,
but I hastily dropped anchor
and hooked into the rusty earth.


© 2004 Melissa Songer